about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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