So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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