It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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