I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
