the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
