your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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