And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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