so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
