Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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