How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
