Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
