That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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