he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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