I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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