HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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