I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
