Non-Jews are for practice
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
