I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
