you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
