Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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