I accidentally had phone sex last night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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