My first STD was from a foam party
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
