Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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