Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
