I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
