My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
