uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
