spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
