My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
