It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
