I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
