..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
