its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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