my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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