With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
