obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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