Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
