problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
