Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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