What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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