She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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