Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
