I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
