If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
