dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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