I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
