Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
