didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
