I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just high enough for therapy.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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