last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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