so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
