Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
