My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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