69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
