she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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