Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
