I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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