My friends, they love my intelligence
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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