all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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