Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
