I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
