Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
