i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
