dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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