So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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