five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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