Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
