there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
