So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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